Low self esteem is something that I have been developing as a result of falling back into my social phobia ways. I feel as though I am incapable of the normal things that other people can do. Like hold down a job. I can't even imagine what it would be like to have a job that I go to on a daily basis at this point. It's been 2 years since I've held my last steady job, and every day since then has been a struggle. I can't seem to understand how so many people can just have jobs so easily, yet here I am with absolutely nothing. It's terrible and it's making me feel worse about myself.
I used to have more confidence. Even when I was younger I felt good about myself despite the fact that I couldn't talk to other people. I still liked the person that I was. Now I'm not so sure anymore. I had some friends that I tried to hold on to from college. But as time goes on I even seem to lose confidence about how they feel about me. I think things like, "why in the world would they want to spend time with me when they probably have so many other interesting things to do." and this keeps me from ever making plans with anyone. It helps that they never initiate spending time with me either, so that makes me feel like that's just confirmation of my feelings. Man, life has been pretty crap lately. I just have to keep pushing through.
